Hi Jacob,
I guest you are still fighting just like me and how is your wife to be non other than Agnes. Back to the above subject what was Sunday's case, because i have still failed to know what really happened, since the people i expected can't give me answers. And i do not want to ask Sam, the guardian, because this might remind him again. Please just write to me so that i can be able to get the story and make my judgment.
You know i have been advising him; that's why all this never happened but it seemed he had forgotten and i do not know what to tell him; am only thinking of not talking to him about the issue. I shall be grateful upon receiving your mail.
Thanks,
Andrew
Hi Andy,
Yeah, the struggle continues; we should never give up the faith. I am downed so much in the struggle that Agnes sometimes means nothing to me. I find myself sacrificing her. Hope i am right.
About Sunday's issues; well, he narrated to me about how despite helping out at home, some was still on his neck, and that he was expelling everybody including Allan, and Patricia's brother. When i paid a visit to them, and see if i could read weekend newspapers, i found them all in a panic calling other people.
But Sunday assured me that he had gotten transport, though was not enough. When i probed him further, he went to say that he was someone who liked to do what he wished, on the other hand, which Sam so often got alarmed with like absenteeism from home -when he was most needed, spending 24 hours on TV -all irked Sam.
Despite his warnings, they never heeded. I found Sunday on the other hand a defiant guy, who never give a damn. He needs people, who will understand that he is an adolescent to be handled with patience, and where talking never ends.
The other, related, was about untidiness of the house. Sam one day came and found the water from the tap having flooded the kitchen, and he wondered what the hell went on, why they never cleaned it in the first place, and why the carelessness.
According to Sunday, it was the other guy whose name i have forgotten, who often led the Cell that forgot to switch off the tap. For Sam, he could not look into that. It seems Sunday and the groups had already created a bad impression for himself.
Amidst such, it was like Sam was now fed up by them, suggesting to them about bringing some other girl to replace them. She is sort of your cousin. For, he had failed with the boys worlds.
It is disturbing even for me to understand, though i already know the complexity of staying with relatives. Sunday must have behaved as though he was in front of his real parents, who would care less. But i also know that, somebody who is not your parent will never treat you the same. You have to learn the new person and behave accordingly. You can either be for him or not.
Nevertheless, personal freedom sometimes might supersede current living conditions set by others. There are some things one may want to do that conflict with others or one may want to manage his or her time but never at liberty.
Freedom of the kind can always be gotten when one eventually moves towards independence and later interdependence. This is proven and researched about. Read seven habits of highly effective people by Stephen Convey.
Best Regards,
Jacob
Hi Jacob,
Sunday i'm told was given transport money to go with the Allan and others to the village but he hesitated, reason i can't explain. He doesn't want to listen and he thinks reaching A'level is a very big achievement but that is totally nothing.
Sam is tough but you know sometimes you don't need fire to set off fire and that's what he has never known and besides if someone doesn't want you , why superglu. I was blamed for a spoilt washing machine when i was in the village but i just kept quiet because i knew what i wanted. Sunday should respect Sam because he's older,also at home.
There was a time i recall he sent Brenda (Sam's wife) to Sam asking him for transport money. let me quote "Brenda go and tell Sam that where is my transport money" yet this was Sam's money! Is this the best way to ask for money? any way it has happened and Sam told our mum that he doesn't want Sunday to stay in his home any more.
This is a guy who has to go through university and that would be like his hostel just like Moffat is doing now due to fees increase. I also want to advise Moffat before it is already too late since there are already complaining of him disappearing without telling people his where about and also his phone is off.
I also recall; Sam took Sunday to bus park with the Allan and group, but Sunday opted to get out of the bus and arrived in Lira; i think two days later, no one knew his where-about. I'm telling you the man has stories which are not interesting to hear, and he's already in Sam's bad books, i guess. So that will not change. I might come to Kampala next week if all goes well for some job am trying to chase here i hope it works out this week so that next week am free to travel.
Thanks,
Andrew
Showing posts with label ADOLESCENT ISSUES. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ADOLESCENT ISSUES. Show all posts
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Monday, November 24, 2008
RAISING VOICES OF SEXUALLY ABUSED CHILDREN: FROM WHAT POINT AND TO WHICH ONE?
BY JACOB WAISWA
A
SITUATION HEALTH ANALYST
Children especially girls have are prone to sexual abuse. They are easily tricked into the act or coerced –by adults who could be acquaintances or strangers. Hardly would they negotiate for sex when in such instances that needs to decide and act away from possible sex-abuse scenario. But, reports say that majority of the cases are never brought to the attention of authorities nor do the guardians care.
There are usually signs of a possible sex-abuser such as; being rude, period of making confusing touches and sometimes pitching or painfully twisting hands and attempting to lift and throw down the victim, generally aggressive person, manipulative, sending out verbal insults and tough-looking, impatience, deviant, substance abuser, presence of certain religious and culture believes in an area –that okays child abuse, poor communication and negotiation problems of a person, violent environment and high cases of sexual abuse, itself as propelling factor, abusive parents (of the abuser) etcetera.
Changing social and economic structures have dictated much of the scenes regarding events in child development. Unlike the period before a fully-fledged industrial age, parents spend whole days busy farming, trading or in offices.
Even when they come back, no or limited time is put a side to see how family members, as children are fairing. There is basically no time for togetherness, telling educative stories, educating children about morals and certain skills of life.
Civil liberties (child rights), moral and religious breakdown in the name of democracy and modernization, has been a big force behind sexual abuse as for certain other child conduct problems.
Under such atmosphere, children experience unlimited freedom –since no more stroking by a stick and any other sort of consequences in place, they could do anything that would amount to the event of sex abuse.
Other parents, even if they had sometime for their children, they would be much so mindless about lives of their children. Visiting schools alone is only placed as a rule to forced out lazy parents, so that they could come and share with teachers issues about their children development
Besides, environmental influences, such as peer pressure –amidst loss of control by adults or parents, pornographic literature that children freely access, permissiveness coupled with negative model-ship by parent. Such could have a compelling influence on the part of the children –to at times consent and consciously take part in an act of sexual abuse take place.
The high incidence of cross generation sex -where a man or woman good enough be either grand parent or just parent to a child and over ten (10) years older shameless opts to marry or have sex with a child –in question. The vulnerability element would be the fact that child needs care –“more advanced” than current one offered by biological parents. The parents may be loving, but too poor to provide for the child.
Widespread poverty in communities that has “killed” shyness on the faces of people today –thereby encouraging child prostitution, child trafficking and trading groomed by immorality –and where something that used to be horrendous, then, become more acceptable and tolerable.
As a result sex abuse emerges right from such given conditions, moreover being enhanced by mushrooming lodges –both in rural and urban areas. In the language of President Museveni, the “mushrooms,” then, turnout to be toxic, this time round for the vulnerable children chased by foxy and much older men and women.
The cultural and religious aspect of encouraging child sex abuse, for example, the Tabliq Muslim sect in Uganda is widely believed to have promoted the dangerous act of sexual abuse –by claiming that “a girl child must never menstruate from home …instead her place is marriage.” Henceforth, she is handed an adult man (Hajji) as husband –yet capable of grand-fathering her.
Most “primitive” cultures, still, encourage early child-marriage -for quick dowry to enrich family, and help brothers (to the girl child) too –pay dowry. And of coarse, when gone for the forced marriage, she would be subjected to sex abuse unconsciously, and at times, consciously.
Nevertheless, biological factors could independently dictate incidence of child sexual abuse. At exactly that time, the biological clock could with a much stronger emphasis “ask” child to have sex. The clock could be valid as early as eight (8) years. Here, the command would not discriminate whether to have sex with fellow child or adult. Instead, the actual sexual intercourse as per the clock time would be what matters.
Sex education, which would otherwise have guided adolescents through that volatile period –which G.S. Hall (1904)l referred to as a period of heightened “tress and storm” is lacking or just less. Most parents think child would naturally learn, find it embarrassing to talk about sex with child or just on-the roof and inaccessible by the child.
The child would not end at that, but go ahead to find out just as the adolescent stage could have indicated to him or her –both by seeking at times “misleading” information from peers or actually experimenting to see how it feels.
Weak laws that show no consequence for unacceptable actions by offenders as well as police corruption that would hold all matters at the level of officer-in charge. In fact, it has been widely revealed that parents too motivationally do business with police and other law enforcement agencies, but first; by staging the event of sexual abuse.
Family and marital discord are other predictors of sexual abuse. Under such circumstances, an abusive individual could in most cases involve him or herself in sexual violence.
And in a similar situation, the child or children are most affected and confused. They would usually want to project themselves early into marriage for “love”, care and independence –away from confused and mentally toxic family life.
Subsequently, all round and hard-hitting trauma would take toll on children –leading to loss of ambition, school drop out, substance abuse, criminal tendencies –“a balanced diet” that strongly predict early sex play and sexual abuse.
But then several authors have indicated a positive relationship between school drop out and early marriage and/or teenage pregnancy of which sexual abuse could be part and parcel. .
But in all, brings such issues to authorities, ensuring concerned efforts to fight corruption in the judiciary, discussing them with help of the media and creating community awareness of the evil of child sex abuse as much as promoting the efforts of non-government organizations working in that area (of child health or sexual reproductive health), could be of much help.
A
SITUATION HEALTH ANALYST
Children especially girls have are prone to sexual abuse. They are easily tricked into the act or coerced –by adults who could be acquaintances or strangers. Hardly would they negotiate for sex when in such instances that needs to decide and act away from possible sex-abuse scenario. But, reports say that majority of the cases are never brought to the attention of authorities nor do the guardians care.
There are usually signs of a possible sex-abuser such as; being rude, period of making confusing touches and sometimes pitching or painfully twisting hands and attempting to lift and throw down the victim, generally aggressive person, manipulative, sending out verbal insults and tough-looking, impatience, deviant, substance abuser, presence of certain religious and culture believes in an area –that okays child abuse, poor communication and negotiation problems of a person, violent environment and high cases of sexual abuse, itself as propelling factor, abusive parents (of the abuser) etcetera.
Changing social and economic structures have dictated much of the scenes regarding events in child development. Unlike the period before a fully-fledged industrial age, parents spend whole days busy farming, trading or in offices.
Even when they come back, no or limited time is put a side to see how family members, as children are fairing. There is basically no time for togetherness, telling educative stories, educating children about morals and certain skills of life.
Civil liberties (child rights), moral and religious breakdown in the name of democracy and modernization, has been a big force behind sexual abuse as for certain other child conduct problems.
Under such atmosphere, children experience unlimited freedom –since no more stroking by a stick and any other sort of consequences in place, they could do anything that would amount to the event of sex abuse.
Other parents, even if they had sometime for their children, they would be much so mindless about lives of their children. Visiting schools alone is only placed as a rule to forced out lazy parents, so that they could come and share with teachers issues about their children development
Besides, environmental influences, such as peer pressure –amidst loss of control by adults or parents, pornographic literature that children freely access, permissiveness coupled with negative model-ship by parent. Such could have a compelling influence on the part of the children –to at times consent and consciously take part in an act of sexual abuse take place.
The high incidence of cross generation sex -where a man or woman good enough be either grand parent or just parent to a child and over ten (10) years older shameless opts to marry or have sex with a child –in question. The vulnerability element would be the fact that child needs care –“more advanced” than current one offered by biological parents. The parents may be loving, but too poor to provide for the child.
Widespread poverty in communities that has “killed” shyness on the faces of people today –thereby encouraging child prostitution, child trafficking and trading groomed by immorality –and where something that used to be horrendous, then, become more acceptable and tolerable.
As a result sex abuse emerges right from such given conditions, moreover being enhanced by mushrooming lodges –both in rural and urban areas. In the language of President Museveni, the “mushrooms,” then, turnout to be toxic, this time round for the vulnerable children chased by foxy and much older men and women.
The cultural and religious aspect of encouraging child sex abuse, for example, the Tabliq Muslim sect in Uganda is widely believed to have promoted the dangerous act of sexual abuse –by claiming that “a girl child must never menstruate from home …instead her place is marriage.” Henceforth, she is handed an adult man (Hajji) as husband –yet capable of grand-fathering her.
Most “primitive” cultures, still, encourage early child-marriage -for quick dowry to enrich family, and help brothers (to the girl child) too –pay dowry. And of coarse, when gone for the forced marriage, she would be subjected to sex abuse unconsciously, and at times, consciously.
Nevertheless, biological factors could independently dictate incidence of child sexual abuse. At exactly that time, the biological clock could with a much stronger emphasis “ask” child to have sex. The clock could be valid as early as eight (8) years. Here, the command would not discriminate whether to have sex with fellow child or adult. Instead, the actual sexual intercourse as per the clock time would be what matters.
Sex education, which would otherwise have guided adolescents through that volatile period –which G.S. Hall (1904)l referred to as a period of heightened “tress and storm” is lacking or just less. Most parents think child would naturally learn, find it embarrassing to talk about sex with child or just on-the roof and inaccessible by the child.
The child would not end at that, but go ahead to find out just as the adolescent stage could have indicated to him or her –both by seeking at times “misleading” information from peers or actually experimenting to see how it feels.
Weak laws that show no consequence for unacceptable actions by offenders as well as police corruption that would hold all matters at the level of officer-in charge. In fact, it has been widely revealed that parents too motivationally do business with police and other law enforcement agencies, but first; by staging the event of sexual abuse.
Family and marital discord are other predictors of sexual abuse. Under such circumstances, an abusive individual could in most cases involve him or herself in sexual violence.
And in a similar situation, the child or children are most affected and confused. They would usually want to project themselves early into marriage for “love”, care and independence –away from confused and mentally toxic family life.
Subsequently, all round and hard-hitting trauma would take toll on children –leading to loss of ambition, school drop out, substance abuse, criminal tendencies –“a balanced diet” that strongly predict early sex play and sexual abuse.
But then several authors have indicated a positive relationship between school drop out and early marriage and/or teenage pregnancy of which sexual abuse could be part and parcel. .
But in all, brings such issues to authorities, ensuring concerned efforts to fight corruption in the judiciary, discussing them with help of the media and creating community awareness of the evil of child sex abuse as much as promoting the efforts of non-government organizations working in that area (of child health or sexual reproductive health), could be of much help.
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