WHEN SHOULD IT BE TIME OUT FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS?

A family, which is known to be smallest unit of society, does offer the earliest care to a child and providing all necessary essentials for its healthy development. It is a challenging time for parents -as they go through thin and thick to ensure survival and well being of children. At different development stages the child is handed knowledge and skills of societal integrated living and self-care.

Gradually, the children learns to socialize with people out-side the family, from whom they learns a lot more that could have been missed in the family though it doe retain the monitoring or supervision role.

Depending on the level of knowledge and skills of parenting, parents or guardians could act either authoritarian, laissez-faire, neglectful, abusive or reasonably transformative of children lives to most constructive ways -while giving child space to make positive self-discoveries.

Whatever category a parent or guardian considered himself or herself to be will determine the future attitudes and behaviors of the child for the better or worse. Usually society is the ultimate judge of children as the relate away from families. It makes or unmakes the child as he or she grows.

However, children need support and supervision up to the time they can make better judgements over basic life-challenges for survival and healthy development. This is the time when he or she learns that life is an investment which must be invested into well and carefully in the face of certain canning situations.

On such a basis, all decisions made would be for the purposes of preserving life or good health in its totality -be it in social relations, spiritual relations, economic, legal, physical etc. His or her focus would be always to excel and move towards independent thinking and actions.

Children of the kind would always have positive pressure from the positive contributions their parents relentless make. They would look forward to it -even when depleted of positive energy. The child's positive outlook will only recycle the positive energies through most difficult and challenging times.

The glass-handler parent, who likes to act as the pain and happiness of a child without a child's own experience, only postpones harder times to deal with for the child. He or she would be eventually over-stretched unhealthy states when old-age finally crops in. The commonest symptoms, then, are mild-to-chronic depression, hypertension and heart-attacks -among other complications.

Under such parental management, a child is never allowed to go an extra mile to explore his or her environment. Like presidential protection guard brigade, the parent does the practical learning on child's behalf, while on the other hand -adversely affecting future emotional stability. For example, a child would never be secure in absence of his or her parent he or she could be the kind ever suspicious and full of mistrust.

If he or she got used to the parent's over-functioning role, personal values characterizing individual uniqueness could be found lacking, because from the years before and through the teens, the child needs to learn from the model parent. It can be called the first level of education in the child's career development.

So, upon leaving the family to start independent life, they are only whisked away by whichever influences encountered from society -without scrutiny or questioning. One must only pray to the gods that the kind of influences do not turn out to be life-threatening -as the most brutal teacher (the World) takes over from the parent.

When the child takes longer to learn expected life-skills and knowledge of associated dangers accruing to different stages of child's development, the situation becomes unbearable -without glass handler.

Similarly, when glass handler gets exhausted from continued over-functioning role -amidst so many other challenges in the world, most of which that give the hardest home-work, the child could be drown into substance abuse, risky gang groups and behaviors, giving in for sex with ease, early and stressful parenthood and sometimes commit suicide.

It would take extra brains and physical strength as well as society intervention for a child to overcome the extreme development challenges -without the support of the parents or when they pass away due to related problems.

It would be through a lot of stress, confusion, chronic depressions, antisocial behaviors, societal disciplinary actions -on the other hand, frequent episodes of psychosis, total mental break down before a child rediscovers the best he can be and the kind of contributions to make for societal benefit.

The unfortunate bit is that the trend can be intergenerational as he or she may treat children born of her or him the same as experiences encountered. However, with total recovery, having decided to begin a new chapter, he too could start a healthy generation after him or her.

At the center of a big extended family and friends circle, so darling to him, a child whilst grown may be expected to be in physical contact with thousands of them all -even if he has to meet core marriage, parenting, work and further training -elsewhere that consumes 100% of his time.

And because the extended family is desperate to have a former child, who now happens to be an adult with a lot more responsibilities -to remain a pet or one subject to commands all day like what society tend to do before little children, negative conflicts ensue -with lots of infuriating statements as “spoilt child, who never visits extended family members, does not know his people and does not show concern for his people.”

Some, perhaps, would be regretting on behalf of the child's natural parents why he was raised, they continue to act irritatingly or damagingly, until the then victim bursts out in extreme disgust. That, along with hectic routines, soon become part of the worst illnesses ever faced.

Statements made, indeed, could cause terrible nightmares -so much that peace could only be struck -when one resigned from such horrible family relations and at-the-time friends. -who prove to be toxic all the time, a curse or a punishment for being in some sort of relationship.

Times have changed so much that the constraints of surviving in current modern world forces or pressures really cause some people to abandon their own families, be abusive or even kill them. Key of the factors leading to endless family problems is rivalry that itself result from competition for favors usually corrupt family heads.

In other cases, family members could want to keep a type of relationship with the grown up man or woman as that of a little baby, who must be protected from the marital difficulties he or she may be going through. They believe the spouse remains a visitor: a concept that greatly contrasts from fellow partner in marriage. In spite of the need to nurture one's blissful relationship, others (members of the extended family) choose to be a nail in the foot.

They could never believe that it is a different stage of life in the the now old man or woman to be treated a lot differently than when he or she was young. Even at this stage there are newer responsibilities that must have emerged and need the closest attention and resources such as; raising children and working very hard to provide for them in the most challenging world today.

Under certain circumstances, because there is now discomfort on either side: the new found adult responsibilities and stressing relationship from the huge bracket of family members, he or she could be forced to break-off and make a few steps back on basis of business priority for better self-composure, suitable self-organization and comfort.

It can be a time reached one one has to be a lot more assertive, though with gentility to state and explain the hard situation -especially when it really becomes ugly. When so overwhelming, it would be important to work on the most pressing issues, until a time when there would be space to reach out to them -all guided by a humble explanation.

Of course, when there is time -for example, a holiday away from work and reduced pressure of the numerous demands common today, the so called child would be perhaps very willing to stretch out to family members and reunite with friends, as well.

Otherwise, some of the cultures people originate from tend to be harmful to one's general health; mentally and physically -especially when such a relationship is tense. Protecting one's self from the harm inheritable by generations to come phenomenon over years, one must not be ashamed to choose what is healthy for him or her to do -regardless of the pressure. Upon doing so, pressure would be replaced by a big sigh of relief -as though back to real life.

Remember that in some families or cultures, there are relationship styles that serious implication to the health and survival of future generations like nurturing some dietary omissions, causing people to suffer, punishing them to injurious levels or even love to kill and to create circles of hate and envy -all of which are potentially so toxic to the welfare and mental health of others.

It is important that solid decisions are made on the basis of well entrenched life nurturing values -for one's self and others -where ill-health should not be long-term issue on the lives of future generations. Instead, it (ill-health) should be something that can be averted now, while speaking out one's values should be another item to ever do without any embarrassment.


Jacob Waiswa
Situation Health Analyst
www.situationhealthanalysis.blogspot.com